Olympus: Up Close and Personal
by grumpyheroine
Summary: Daily life on Olympus can be quite stressful, and most definitely not boring. The gods interact in the strangest ways possible, and Hermes's new Computer App isn't helping in the least. What trouble is going to happen on Olympus from the gods' various (though not unexpected) arguments? Chaos, no doubt, and... Annual Pie Day?
1. Welcome to Olympus

**No worries. I'm still gonna continue Birthday (Mis)Adventures. Just thought I'd work on this as well, and I already have the first three chappies written up. I'm not putting them up all at once though. :D**

**This is sort of a combination of Facebook-like chatting, and then you see what's going on at Olympus, often results of the conversations. Enjoy. :)**

* * *

**PART ONE:**

…**.Loading…**

**Hermes is online**

**Hephaestus is online**

Hermes: Ta da! And at last, brought to you by Hephaestus TV and yours truly, I give you… eh, what did we call it again?

Hephaestus: *Facepalms*

**Athena is online**

Athena: What the Hades is going on? I'm trying to work!

Hermes: It's a new site! Isn't it awesome?

Athena: Uh… sure. I'm going to go back to reading.

Hermes: No, wait! Don't you want to _try_ this special Facebook copy that's only for the gods?

Athena: Not really.

Hermes: You wound me. *Sulk*

**Aphrodite is online**

**Apollo is online**

Aphrodite: Ooh, what's this?

Athena: Some crazy site your husband and Hermes made.

Aphrodite: That's nice. What kind of site?

Hephaestus: Like facebook, just only for the residents of Olympus. Well, only the choice ones.

Athena: And the point of this?

Apollo: HELLOO! One hot sun god is here! J

Aphrodite: Ooh, I like the smilie. I wanna do one! :*

Athena: What is that?

Aphrodite: A kiss.

Athena: Typical.

Apollo: Can we talk about meeee?

Athena: Now you have that same whiny tone as Aphrodite. What is wrong with you people?

Hermes: Do you really have to ask?

Athena: Fair enough.

Aphrodite: Hey, I can make a whole page with stuff! Yay! Pictures and articles… hey Theeney, wanna do one with me?

Athena: Stop calling me that! Athena's not so hard to say!

Aphrodite: *Pout* Fine. But do you?

Elladan: What in the name of Valar is this?

Elrohir: That's so strange the way the big box is writing letters in Common on this… object.

Hermes: Who are you? You're not gods! How did you get on here?

Elladan: I don't know. Can you show me off? Wait, Éowyn's here. I want to show her this contraption.

Hermes: Éowyn? No! None of you were invited! Go away!

Athena: It didn't even say they came on.

**Elladan is online**

**Elrohir is online**

**Éowyn is online**

Athena: That's just plain mean.

Éowyn: This… is… actually… working… wow.

Hermes: Out of here! Now! This is a mistake. You people are in the wrong area!

**Elladan, Elrohir, and Éowyn are offline.**

Hermes: Good, they're gone.

Hephaestus: I don't know why you're so happy they're gone. They weren't causing any trouble.

Hermes: Yet.

Hephaestus: Huh?

Hermes: They weren't causing any trouble _yet_.

Aphrodite: Who were they?

Athena: They were… from an alternate dimension. I bet that was all just a prank.

Apollo: A funny one. Hee hee.

Hermes: …How was it funny in any way whatsoever?

Apollo: I don't know. It just was.

**Ares is online.**

Ares: Cool, a place to start fights with people.

Athena: Always so aggressive, are you Bonehead.

Ares: Watch your mouth, Owl Face, before I punch it in.

Athena: Ha! You couldn't even if you tried.

Hermes: Hey, hey, no fighting here, no threatening people, no start physical fights by getting war gods riled up. Be nice.

Athena: You seriously think anyone's going to be nice? I've discovered the internet emboldens people to be even more foolish and blunt, due to the fact that they won't see the person who they're speaking to's face when they tell them whatever insulting—ow! My keyboard just electrocuted me!

Hermes: Oh yeah. I installed that to keep you from writing really long boring lectures.

Athena: Hermes!

Ares: Ha ha! HA! *virtually punches Athena*

Aphrodite: Why do you always fight?

Athena: Because he's an idiot.

Ares: Because she's annoying and it's fun.

Aphrodite: Can't you all love each other instead?

Ares & Athena: No.

Hephaestus: I have no desire to watch them fight. I'm going to go build something else that's useful.

**Hephaestus has gone offline.**

Aphrodite: Aww, Hubby's gone!

Hermes: Aw dang, I gotta go deliver the mail…

Athena: I'm going to go take a nap.

Ares: Perfect. I can sneak into your house and—wait—why am I writing this? I won't be able to sneak up!

Aphrodite: No! Don't leave me all alone!

**Hermes is offline.**

**Athena is offline.**

**Ares is offline.**

Aphrodite: is very sad, and alone, and unaccompanied, and on her own, and—**Message has been cut off, as Aphrodite couldn't find any other words meaning alone in the Thesaurus.**

**Aphrodite is offline.**

* * *

"YOU IDIOT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Ares fled from Athena's house, previously mentioned goddess hot on his trail, brandishing a weapon anyone would fear:

The dreaded frying pan.

"HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL LLLLLPPPP MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE! MMMMMOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYY!" Ares screamed.

Hera, who had happened to be passing by with Zeus, glared at him. "You got yourself into this. Just like the Trojan War. Not my fault you always rile your sister up."

"But she has a frying pan!" Ares whined.

Athena ran past and slammed the frying pan into the ground.

"What are you doing?" Ares asked.

"Killing the spider," Athena said in a duh tone.

"…Oh…" Ares said, and let out a sigh of relief. Hera rolled her eyes.

Then Athena hit him over the head with the frying pan.

**And... cut. I'm not gonna write "to be continued," as this is more like oneshots, kinda connected to each other, but sort of not. You can read the chapters in random orders. Don't forget to Review, it's very important.**


	2. Oooh Pie!

**Oops. I lied. I just don't seem to have much patience. Part two came up nice and quick. Hmm. Maybe I should start putting up parts every day... nah. I'd never be able to commit to that. I'll try though. Here's the next part, with lots of pie and chocolate, as promised.**

**PART TWO:**

**Poseidon is online**

**Hermes is online**

**Hades is online**

Hermes: Hey Uncle P, Uncle Hades!

Hades: How come he gets a nickname and I don't?

Hermes: Just… Uncle H doesn't have the same ring, y'know?

Hades: I suppose.

Poseidon: I have sushi. It's good.

Hermes: Does it have fish in it?

Poseidon: What?! NEVER! I would never eat fish!

Hermes: Even if they _were_ sentenced to death?

Poseidon: It's like cannibalsm!

Hermes: You spelled Cannibalism incorrectly.

Poseidon: Thank you, Lady Athena.

Hermes: I'll tell her you called her _Lady_ Athena.

Poseidon: *Goes off to corner to sulk*

Hades: Guess what today is?

Hermes: The annual pie eating day?

Poseidon: I love pie!

Hades: …

Poseidon: What?

Hermes: Well, is it a pie eating day?

Hades: No. Persephone's coming back!

Poseidon: No 'Day of Pie Eating'?

Hades: No.

Hermes: Aw… let's go talk to my dad to change that, Uncle P.

Poseidon: Alright. Think he'll come online?

Hermes: I'll send him a text message from my Caduceus.

Poseidon: *Waits*

Hades: Weirdos.

Poseidon: Says the guy who kidnapped a girl to get her as a wife.

Hades: *Sticks out tongue*

**Athena is online**

Poseidon: Whooo! Feather Brain is here.

Athena: Hermes, why did this automatically sign me into here?

Hermes: It's one of the perks of having an account on here.

Athena: Perk, yeah, sure. *continues muttering*

**Zeus is online**

**Poseidon has a new status: Hmm. I think I want… pie. Lots and lots of pie…**

Zeus: Well, this place is… interesting. I do hope I'm not the only one testing it out for Hermes.

Athena: No father, I've got it bugging my computer when I'm trying to work on some designs for a building.

Poseidon: I decided to try it too! It's fun!

Hades: I wonder when Persephone gets here?

Hermes: Dad! I want an annual pie-eating day on Olympus!

Zeus: …

Hades: That was my reaction too, brother.

Athena: Can we have chocolate pie?

Zeus: If we did, you're not getting any. You have to break this addiction of yours.

Athena: Stop eating chocolate? Are you crazy?! You're lucky I have control of my temper! If you'd said that to Aphrodite, she'd be banging your door down and ready to hunt you with a pitchfork!

Zeus: Don't you think this chocolate madness is unhealthy?

Athena: What could happen?

Zeus: You can get a sugar high, or forget about your duties while busy indulging and stuffing your face with chocolate—

**Athena's status: Seeing everything in chocolate**

Zeus: -And having too much—are you even listening to me?

Athena: *Bouncing up and down* I have to go run around Olympus. Bye!

**Athena is offline.**

Poseidon: That means she's had too much sugar, doesn't it?

Zeus: …

Hermes: So can we have the annual pie eating day?

Zeus: *Sigh* Alright, but chocolate pie is banned.

Hermes: What? But dad!

Zeus: It's too dangerous. I can't risk any of the girls getting their hands on some.

Poseidon: PIE! I'll go tell Hestia to get baking for the Pie eating day!

Hades: This is rather entertaining.

Zeus: Not funny, Hades, not funny at all.

**Artemis is online.**

Artemis: Why is Athena running around Olympus singing Van Halen?

Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades: …?

Hermes: Lots of chocolate, and Apollo trying to convince you to listen to Metallica.

Artemis: Ah, that would do it. I was just wondering.

**Poseidon is offline.**

Zeus: No doubt went to go oversee the pie preparations.

Hermes: Oh, I should go help. I'd be more than happy to be the royal pie taster.

Artemis: No doubt you will.

**Hermes is offline.**

Artemis: I'm going to go back to my hunters, now.

Hades: PERSEPHONE! SHE'S HERE! YAY!

**Hades is offline.**

**Artemis is offline.**

Zeus: Well, no use sitting here alone talking to myself…

**Zeus is offline.**

* * *

Zeus stood before all the residents of Olympus. He was giving a speech. "And so," he concluded. "Let us all enjoy this holiday of pie eating! Dig in!"

Cheering, everyone started to eat pie. Apollo was so excited, he couldn't decide what to start with. Artemis helped him decide by taking one of his pies and starting to eat it.

"Hey!" he protested.

"You've got that one," Artemis said through a mouthful of blueberry filling, whipped cream, and sweet crust.

Apollo realized she was right, and started to enjoy his pie. For a twelve-year-old, Artemis was sure eating a lot, he thought.

Meanwhile, Poseidon had five types of pie around him, and one fork. He scoop out a bite from one pie, then get excited and take a bit from another one, and so on.

Athena (who was no longer under the influence of sugar and too much chocolate) made a face at him, and pushed a pile of six empty pans aside.

"You already ate six pies?" Poseidon asked in shock. She shrugged.

"I feel like I'm starving myself watching Aphrodite though," she said.

They looked over at the goddess of love who was on her sixteenth pie.

"Wow…" Poseidon said. "Never mind that saying about girls eating less than guys."

Athena shrugged and disappeared behind another pile of pie, grumbling about how it needed some chocolate.

Poseidon returned to his eating. Persephone and Hades were sharing an apple pie, looking lovingly into each other's eyes every moment.

Demeter was glaring at them from across the hall as she picked at her cereal pie that Hestia had made especially for her.

Ares was eating messily, though not nearly as fast as Aphrodite or Athena (surprisingly enough), and he looked more interested in mutilating the poor pie than eating it though. He got some whipped cream above his lip, making a sort of mustache, and Athena laughed at him, which resulted in him tackle her to the ground. Much pie was destroyed until they were pulled apart.

Zeus couldn't touch a single pie, though. He was too busy watching the chaos in shock, appetite quite gone.

This was the last Annual Pie Day ever, just like the Day of Defeating Evil (Poseidon had tried to overthrow him, claiming he was evil!), the Day of Fashion (Athena had almost murdered Aphrodite for dressing her up in fancy clothes), and every other disastrous holiday they'd ever had.

"Zeus," said Demeter thoughtfully from beside him. "I was thinking… if there's an annual pie day, cereal is certainly much more important than it, so I was thinking of maybe having a—"

"NO!" Zeus roared, and thunder rumbled. "No more holidays! Ever!"

* * *

**And that's a wrap! Hey, review! ****In fact, for all you reviewers, tell me who you'd rather give chocolate too: Athena or a pocket Elf? Either one is haphazardness. The question is, which is the most!**

**Athena: Did I hear someone say chocolate?**

***Hides chocolate bar behind back* No.**


	3. Grand Theft Chocolate

**Sorry, this is the furthest I've got. You guys are gonna have to wait a few days for the next chapter. I will remind you all though that reviews are very motivating. The more there are, the more I feel like writing...**

**PART THREE:**

…**Loading…**

**Hera is online.**

**Apollo is online.**

**Zeus is online.**

Hera: Well, that pie day was a disaster.

Apollo: No it wasn't! *eats more pie*

Hera: Everyone ate too much, and Aphrodite threw a temper tantrum about no chocolate until she got some. It was a disaster, Apollo.

Zeus: Don't forget those haikus he wrote about the pie… *shiver*

**Poseidon is online.**

**Hades is online.**

Poseidon: Helloooo! I'm so happy. I still have lotsa pie! It's so yummy…

Hades: Has anyone noticed all the chocolate on Olympus has gone missing?

Zeus: I had Hermes put it in a vault so Athena, Artemis and Aphrodite wouldn't get to it.

Hades: Every single last object on Olympus with cocoa in it… *shakes head*

Poseidon: I just loved the cherry pie! Mmmm!

Apollo: And the peach, pecan, and candy pie was even awesomer! Almost as awesome as me!

Hades: _Candy?_

Poseidon: Apollo's weird like that…

Zeus: Says the man who mixes seaweed and chocolate chip cookies.

**Aphrodite is online.**

Aphrodite: Did I hear the word chocolate?

Hera: How did you do that?

Aphrodite: Do what?

Poseidon: It's like, if cho—the _C_ word is mentioned, one of you girls has this radar that picks it up. Even if it was just typed up on a computer!

Aphrodite: The magic of chocolate… *gazes at sky dreamily*

Zeus: No! She said it!

**Artemis is online.**

**Athena is online.**

Artemis: *Munches on Milky way* Mmmm, I'm glad I could salvage this before Hermes took it all away.

**Athena has a new status: Going to mug Artemis.**

Hades: That doesn't sound good.

Poseidon: I'm going to go watch.

Artemis: Uh oh. I better go put all my precious chocolate away…

**Artemis is offline.**

Athena: Oh no you don't…

Aphrodite: How dare she!

**Aphrodite is offline.**

**Athena is offline.**

Zeus: We're all agreed not to say the _C_ word, right?

Everyone else: YES!

Hera: I don't believe those three. They're so childish and immature. Of course, they're not _my_ kids. *Looks pointedly at Zeus*

Zeus: *Gulp* Oh, come on, dear, you're not still mad about that… must you start this up every time we talk?

Poseidon: And can you do it somewhere else? I'm trying to enjoy the leftover pie here!

Apollo: There was leftover pie?

Poseidon: Hestia saved some for me. She's so awesome.

Apollo: *Starts to cry* No one saved _me_ pie!

Poseidon: Um… you can have some if you want?

Apollo: Yay! I'll be over in a moment!

**Apollo is offline.**

Hades: Brother, I'm impressed. It's not often the gods show generosity.

Poseidon: Oh, shucks, you don't have to flatter me Hades…

Hades: Now, why are you giving some to _him_ and not me?!

Poseidon: I guess you can have some too. But no one else. I haven't got a lot left.

Hades: I'm on my way up from the Underworld.

**Hades is offline.**

Poseidon: Zeus? Hera? Where did you two go?

Zeus: Oh, Hera started a private chat room to yell at me…

Hera: Get back here, mister! I'm not done yet!

Zeus: Um, I should go…

Poseidon: Bye.

**Zeus is offline.**

**Hera is offline.**

Poseidon: *Sigh* Shame I'm all alone…

Poseidon: What's that thumping at my door? GAH! What's all of Olympus doing outside?!

**Hermes is online.**

Hermes: They must want your—hey! Get away from my vault you three! Put that chocolate back! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! *Hits buttons*

**RED ALERT! RED ALERT! THE CHOCOLATE IS BEING STOLEN!**

Hermes: Forget your pie, Poseidon! Go save the chocolate!

**Hermes is offline.**

**Poseidon is offline.**

* * *

"AAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH! GET THEM!"

"Faster!" Artemis screamed, holding on tightly to the sack over her shoulder.

"I can't with high heels!" Aphrodite whined.

"Take them off then!" Athena replied. Aphrodite kicked off her stilettos, but still wasn't going fast enough. Athena threw her over her shoulder.

Hermes and Poseidon weren't far behind them.

"Get back here with the chocolate!" Poseidon yelled. The rest of Olympus was trailing behind.

"We're doomed!" Aphrodite sobbed.

"Keep running!" Athena said. She was a few feet behind Artemis.

"No! Dead end!" Aphrodite moaned as she saw them reaching the edge of Olympus. "What do we do?!"

Artemis skidded to a stop on the edge of Mount Olympus, peering down.

"Oh no," Athena moaned. "We're doomed!"

Artemis grabbed the bags of chocolate the other two goddesses were carrying and jumped.

"Nooooo!" Aphrodite screeched. "She took the chocolate! What do we do?!"

"Jump!" Athena replied.

"No! I'm scared!"

Athena's leg slammed into Aphrodite's backside, knocking her off the mountain. Aphrodite fell screaming. The goddess of Wisdom looked back over her shoulder at the angry crowd.

She looked back down at the fall below. Then back at the ground. Then at the fall.

"GERONIMO!" she hollered, and dove headfirst off the mountain.

Aphrodite kept screaming as she fell. The chocolate started to float out of Artemis's sacks.

"Chocolate!" Athena and Aphrodite said happily, grabbing onto the flying chocolate bars.

"Yay!" said Aphrodite, munching on the chocolate.

Up ahead, Poseidon and Hermes had jumped off Olympus too to chase after them.

"Catch them!" Hermes said furiously. "The chocolate must be retrieved!"

"We're free!" said Artemis.

"Uh, guys…?" Athena said. "The ground it—"

THUMP!

The three goddesses hit the street, leaving a huge crater.

"Ouch," said Hermes.

"Yeah, good thing we have—wait, I don't have my trident!" Poseidon said. He screamed. Hermes realized he didn't have his winged shoes either, and joined in, shrieking.

They hit the ground as well, making the hole even bigger.

Athena stumbled to her feet and ran off with the chocolate.

"Hmm…" said Hermes. "This would make a great commercial."

Then he passed out.

* * *

A FEW HOURS LATER, ON THE NEWS…

News anchor: And no one knows what caused the giant crater on Fifth Avenue, which destroyed twelve cars and injured thirty people…

Hermes winced as Apollo wrapped the bandage around his head. Zeus sighed. "This family is going to be the death of me," he grumbled.

"You're immortal, dear," Hera reminded him.

**That's all folks! *Looney Toon music plays in the background* REVIEW! Don't forget that! :) You now, that pretty button that makes writers feel happy...**


	4. No more Scooby Doo!

**Part four is here! Maybe I can update this more often after all...**

* * *

**PART FOUR:**

**Hermes is online.**

**Ares is online.**

**Artemis is online.**

Hermes: Good morning everybody! Ow… typing hurts.

Artemis: It's your fault, shorty.

Hermes: I am not that short!

Ares: Yeah you are.

Hermes: I am not!

Artemis: You're barely five feet tall.

Hermes: You're short too! You go in the form of a ten year old!

Artemis: Twelve!

Ares: Whoo! A fight! *Leans back*

Hermes: We are not fighting! We are merely discussing our shortness differences.

Artemis: Shorty.

Hermes: At least I have cool shoes that make me fly!

Ares: Lame.

Hermes: They are not lame!

**Dionysus is online.**

Dionysus: *Yawn* Good morning. My head…

Hermes: Another hangover? Dude, you gotta stop drinking!

Dionysus: No way! As long as I can be on Olympus for a while and drink, I'm going to do it as long as I can!

Ares: Wanna get a beer?

Dionysus: No. You can have beer while I have wine, though.

**Poseidon is online.**

Poseidon: Hello! *Reads previous messages* You're all boring me today…

Ares: Got anything better to say you old Seaweed Beard?

Poseidon: Hey! No one calls me names like that except Athena!

Ares: Oh, too bad. …Kelp Head.

Poseidon: NO! HE CAN'T DO THAT! ATTTHHHEEEEENNNAAAA!

**Poseidon is offline.**

Hermes: Don't they hate each other?

Ares: Maybe they'll fight… oh yes!

**Ares is offline.**

Dionysus: I'm going to go drink some more to get rid of this hangover.

Hermes: It'll just give you another one tomorrow.

Dionysus: I don't care.

**Dionysus is offline.**

Artemis: Are they all gone, Hermes?

Hermes: Yup. It's just us, babe.

Artemis: Don't call me that.

Hermes: Yes ma'am. Sorry ma'am.

Artemis: Don't call me ma'am either.

Hermes: Arty?

Artemis: Only when no one else is around.

Hermes: Fair enough. What do you have against it anyway?

Artemis: Apollo came up with it. Doesn't that say enough?

Hermes: Wanna go get some hot chocolate, chocolate chip cookies, chocolate ice cream, and ambrosia with chocolate syrup?

Artemis: Sure.

**Hermes is offline.**

**Artemis is offline.**

* * *

The Olde Chocolate Shoppe was one of the more popular haunts of the younger gods, and Artemis and Hermes cheerily walked in and found a seat.

At one table, Athena and Aphrodite were both eating giant sundaes and arguing about who had to pay ("I paid last time!" "You did not, and anyways, I bought you those pretty earrings…" "I don't want those stupid earrings! They're too big! They get caught on everything! They nearly tore my ears off!" "Well you should stop going places they can get caught on!").

Dionysus sat in the corner drinking a bottle of Merlot with rum chocolate balls, Hera and Zeus were sitting together over a bowl of spaghetti (Hera was giving Zeus dirty looks every other moment), and Demeter was enjoying chocolate covered cereal.

Artemis picked up the menu and started to look through it.

_Chocolate Ice Creame_

_Softe Serve Ambrosiae_

_Mushroome Lasagne_

_Nectare Hote/Colde _

_Cheesee Pizzae withe variouse toppingse _(the god who ran the shop was from a time where they used to use a lot more E's, and he hadn't got with the times yet to realize it wasn't necessary anymore.)

Artemis ordered chocolate ice cream(e), hot chocolate, and some cookies. Hermes did as well, but twice as much. It was almost as much as Athena and Aphrodite were eating, believe it or not.

Artemis took a sip of her hot chocolate when it arrived. "Thanks for saving me some chocolate yesterday," she said.

Hermes shrugged. "No problem. I don't know why you had to come and steal the rest though."

"Athena and Aphrodite showed up at my door. What was I supposed to say? Hermes provides me with a special stash?" Artemis replied. "They would have murdered you."

Hermes nodded at his best friend's logic. "You've got a point," he said, and popped a cookie in his mouth. "We've got to get them out of our hair."

"Hmmm…" Artemis stuck a huge spoonful of ice cream in her mouth, looking thoughtful. The two sat in silence for a while, eating their chocolate treats(e).

Finally, when they finished, they paid the waiter and left.

"How about we go on a raid?" said Hermes thoughtfully.

"No more stealing!" Artemis scolded him. He pouted.

"Pranking?"

"Only if it's my brother," Artemis replied.

Hermes smirked. "I've already got a plan."

His companion smiled. "You always do when it comes to pranks, silly," she said, shaking her head.

Hermes winked. "I sure do."

A half hour later they were creeping in to Apollo's house, Hermes carrying a bundle of… _stuff_, as he called it.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Artemis asked uncertainly. "I don't mind pranking him, but he's _really _scared of the dark. I don't want to hurt him."

"Ah, don't worry, Arty. He's a doctor, and immortal. He'll have a heart attack, it'll be funny, and everything will be fine and good," Hermes replied.

Artemis nodded. "Alright," she mumbled. "I still don't know about this…"

Hermes quickly picked the lock to the back door of Apollo's house and they crept in.

"Where's Apollo anyway?" Artemis whispered.

"Uh…"

The light flickered on.

"Arty! Hermes!" Apollo said brightly. "How nice of you guys to drop by! What's up?"

Artemis looked pointedly at Hermes, who shrugged guiltily.

"We just thought we'd say hi…" Artemis grumbled. Hermes nodded, smiling innocently.

"I was just about to watch Scooby Doo! Wanna join me?" Apollo said.

If looks could kill, with the look Artemis was giving Hermes, he would be dead by now, immortal or no.

"Actually, we should really get go—" started Hermes.

"Nonsense!" Apollo said happily. He led them to his couch (Artemis tentatively pushed a few _objects_ onto the floor before sitting down).

"What have you got there?" Apollo said to Hermes. "Oh, cloth! Gonna help Fred catch the monsters, eh?"

Hermes nodded numbly and sat down next to Artemis, confused.

The next few hours (yes, Apollo made them stay for Artemis lost count how many episodes) were torture. Apollo seemed to think the cartoon monsters chasing Shaggy and Scooby around (Hermes couldn't help remark how Shaggy and Scooby reminded him of Athena and Aphrodite—"Which one's the dog?" Artemis snickered) were terrifying, and cowered behind his two siblings, whimpering and asking for Scooby Snacks.

When Hermes and Artemis finally got out, Hermes threw himself to the ground and kissed it. "Free at last!" he said.

"We're never doing this again," Artemis stated.

**This seemed rather short to me. I have an idea for the next chapter (or episode? It seems like it works...). My sister was watching that Drake & Josh episode The Bet. It rather reminded me of Athena and Aphrodite. What if they had a similar bet? I was trying hard to think of something similar and creative, but it's not really working, so they might stick to the original bet in that episode. Unless anyone has any suggestions (which would greatly be appreciated and earn them some credit), do mention it in a review.**

**Speaking of which: Review! Don't forget! :)**


	5. New Roomies

**Alright, so this isn't the bet, but Athena and Aphrodite have gotten themselves into a predicament... what kind? Read and see!**

**PART FIVE:**

**Ares is online.**

**Hephaestus is online.**

**Aphrodite is online.**

Aphrodite: Hiiii!

Ares: Hey babe.

Hephaestus: That's my wife, you moron!

Ares: Pffftt, whatever.

Hephaestus: I mean it. Stay away from her.

Ares: What are you gonna do about it you ol' cripple?

Hephaestus: You'll wake up on the planet Mars, Ares. Right where you belong.

**Athena is online.**

Athena: Ha! I'll help you, Hephaestus.

Ares: Stay out of this.

Athena: And why should I?

Ares: I'm supposed to bully you. Not the other way around.

Aphrodite: *Sigh* You two have to learn how to get along!

Ares: I don't want to.

Hephaestus: Oh, watch that small clockwork helicopter go…

Ares: What's it doing at my house, Heffie?

Hephaestus: It's Hephaestus, not Heffie.

Ares: Whatever. What is it with you people being so sensitive to nicknames?

Hephaestus: I don't like Heffie.

Ares: GAH! Uilty3ewfrgdhj

Athena: What's going on there?

Hephaestus: It's a war helicopter. It probably attacked him.

Athena: Ha ha ha! Serves him right!

Ares: HELP! I'm gonna get you for this Heffie!

Hephaestus: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Athena: I don't suppose you got it on a tape?

Hephaestus: Hermes put it there just a couple hours ago.

Athena: HA!

Aphrodite: At least I'm not part of the humiliation this time…

Athena: That's wasn't a very wise thing to say.

Hephaestus: Actually, Aphrodite…

Aphrodite: Oh no! What'd you do? That's not fair! I haven't done anything wrong!

Athena: Cheating on your husband daily is kinda wrong,Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: If I wanted marriage counseling, I wouldn't go to _you,_ thank you very much Ms. Eternal Maiden.

Athena: But I'm also wise!

Aphrodite: A wise person knows they have much more to learn. _You_ are arrogant. Not wise.

Athena: *Mouth hangs open*

Hephaestus: Did Aphrodite… just say something wise? …And make Athena seem foolish?

Athena: Excuse me while I go cry in a corner.

Aphrodite: You big baby.

Athena: Shut up! You've hurt my feelings enough today… and you're so vain!

Aphrodite: But yeah, I'm allowed to be vain! I'm the goddess of beauty!

Athena: Just because that idiot Paris gave you the apple.

Aphrodite: It was because I was beautiful!

Athena: No it wasn't!

Aphrodite: Was too!

Athena: Was not!

Aphrodite: Was too!

* * *

"Apologize to each other," Zeus ordered.

"No," both goddesses said stubbornly.

"If you don't, no chocolate for a week."

"But dad!" they complained.

"Now."

"Sorry," Athena mumbled, glaring at the ground.

"For what?"

"For calling Aphrodite a stuck up, good for nothing, vain airhead."

"And Aphrodite?" Zeus turned to the blonde-haired goddess.

"Sorry for calling you an un-wise immature moron with anger issues."

"Now hug."

They glowered at Zeus, but obeyed.

"I'm gonna kill you later," Aphrodite muttered in Athena's ear.

"I'd like to see you try."

They pulled apart, still glaring at the ground, until Zeus sent them off.

"Wanna get some chocolate?" Aphrodite asked as they walked away.

Athena shrugged. "Why not."

"You can pay."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"STOP IT!" Zeus said. "You're both grounded! I can't take this anymore! Alright, you're going to share one apartment until you prove you can get along!"

"What does that mean?" Athena said.

"It's moving day. You're roommates now."

"WHAT?!"

**Dum dum dum! What is going to happen now? What has Zeus done?! Don't forget to review and drop in your comments! :)**


	6. Nighttime Nightmare

**This chapter came to me at school, so I typed it up real quick and here we are! Enjoy!**

**Part Six: Nighttime Nightmare**

There was a storm on Olympus.

Clearly, Zeus was in a _very_ bad mood. Thunder rumbled, lightning flashed, the window howled, rain splattered against the windows...

... And Athena was sleeping with her pillow over her head, but was otherwise unbothered.

Across the room, in her own bed, Aphrodite was tossing and turning, and finally, sat up with a start. She looked around, wild-eyed with fear. She was shaking from the terror of her nightmare.

She carefully slid out of her bed, and walked over to Athena's. The goddess of wisdom snored softly, oblivious.

"Athena," whispered Aphrodite, shaking her friend nervously. "Athena!" She shook Athena harder when she didn't budge.

Athena murmured something about Odysseus and rolled onto her other side.

"Athena!" Aphrodite said. "Wake up!"

"Oh..." Athena groaned, and her eyes fluttered open. "What?" she asked groggily.

"I'm scared," Aphrodite replied. "And-And I had a nightmare."

"Um... I'm sorry?" said Athena uncertainly. Her brain was still mostly under Morpheus's influence; basically, in dreamland.

"Can I sleep in your bed tonight?" asked Aphrodite, trembling as there was another crash of thunder.

Athena sighed. "Alright," she said. "Go ahead."

Aphrodite crawled into Athena's bed, and pulled the covers up over her head. Athena rested her head back onto the pillow and tried to fall back asleep and pick up the dream she'd been in the middle of.

Something about Odysseus... oh, right... she began to doze off.

"Your bed is too hard," Aphrodite said, pulling on the blanket harder. The side that had been covering Athena was pulled off. Athena opened her eyes.

"Feel free to go back to yours," answered Athena. Good thing this was a queen sized bed. If it had been any smalled, they both would have been very uncomfortable.

"But I don't want to be alone," Aphrodite said.

"We're in the same room," pointed out Athena.

"Still," whimpered Aphrodite.

"Fine. We'll _both_ sleep in your bed. Happy?"

They climbed out of Athena's bed and into Aphrodite's (Athena brought her blanket with. Aphrodite liked rolling up in the blanket), and after settling down, lay in silence, listening to the storm.

Lightning flashed.

"I wonder what Dad's so mad about," said Aphrodite.

Athena looked at her half-sister with disbelief. "What do you _think_?"

The moment Zeus had yelled at them both that they were going to be roommates, it had started raining. It hadn't stopped since then.

Aphrodite curled up and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

Athena had been on the way to falling back asleep again, when there was a loud knocking on the door.

"Who the Tartarus would be here at this hour?" Athena grumbled, and climbed out of the warm, cozy, soft bed to go see.

It was Poseidon. He was wearing boxers with fish on them and had a Miami Dolphins t-shirt on. He dropped his rain coat on the floor.

"What are you doing here, Kelp Head?" Athena asked.

"I'm scared of the storm," he explained.

"Are you serious?"

RUMBLE!

He dove into Aphrodite's bed, next to the goddess of love, shaking from fear. Athena sighed, and closed the door.

"Yeah, come on in," she muttered, and crawled back into bed with the other two occupants. They lay together in silence for a while. Poseidon cuddled up to Athena, shaking. She rolled her eyes.

Knock, Knock.

"What now?!" she grumbled, and opened the door.

Apollo and Artemis ran in. Apollo's pajamas had suns on them, and Artemis was wearing a tank top with GIRLS RULE printed on it.

"Don't tell me. Let me guess. You're scared too," Athena said dryly.

Apollo nodded. Artemis shrugged.

"I'm just gonna push my bed up next to Aphrodite's so there's room," Athena grumbled. Soon, Apollo, Artemis, Poseidon, Athena, and Aphrodite were lying in the two beds (which were pushed together). Aphrodite had calmed down, and was beginning to fall asleep.

Apollo plugged a night light into the wall.

"Turn that off!" Poseidon protested.

"Please!" agreed Artemis.

Aphrodite sucked her thumb.

Athena tried to block out the noise and light with her pillow. Unfortunately, it wasn't working, because Apollo was using it.

"But I'm scared of the dark!" Apollo said. "You know how I always need light!"

Artemis huffed angrily. "Fine," she grumbled. The others tried to fall asleep with the small light Apollo's night-light was making. It was sun shaped. Apollo cuddled up with Athena's owl pillow pet ("IT'S NOT A PILLOW PET! EINSTEIN IS A STUFFED ANIMAL!") Einstein, and they were all beginning to fall asleep when...

The doorbell rang. Athena wasn't surprised in the least. That's why she hadn't locked the door.

"It's open," she said grumpily.

Hermes walked in. He was clutching a blanket. The one he'd had since he was born.

"Don't say anything, just get in the darned bed," Athena said, before the others could say anything. Hermes nodded, and crawled in next to Apollo.

Apollo was singing the itsy bitsy spider song to put himself to sleep, which was making Athena shudder and wanna get up and yell and get rid of the feeling of creepy crawlies all over her.

Poseidon had brought a bowl of water and had dumped it over his head.

Aphrodite was cuddling with Athena, glad for the comfort.

Artemis was having a whispered conversation with Hermes.

The door opened and Ares walked in.

Athena sighed. "Hop in."

Ares climbed in next to Aphrodite.

Hephaestus showed up.

Now they were all lying in the two beds, cramped and squished together, but at least no one was scared.

Hephaestus and Ares started bickering about who got to lie down next to Aphrodite.

Apollo had started singing Mary Had a Little Lamb (Thank everyone from Chaos to Zeus for that! No more spiders!).

Artemis was trying to count sheep to ignore him.

Hermes was snoring loudly.

Poseidon had gotten the whole space he was sleeping in wet.

Dionysus (who had showed up in a purple t-shirt and leopard skin sweats) was eating grapes.

And Athena was sleeping in the bathtub.

* * *

**Zeus is online.**

**Hera is online.**

**Demeter is online.**

Zeus: Council meeting! I need to talk to everyone. Where's Hermes?

Hera: He must have gone to deliver the mail.

Demeter: Zeus, would you explain what that storm last night had been about?

Zeus: At the council meeting.

**Zeus has a new status: **Everyone to the council hall. We're having a meeting.

Hera: Sure, that will get everyone here.

Zeus: Hermes will get it, and get everyone else there. Don't worry.

Hera: Sure...

**Hera is offline.**

**Zeus is offline.**

**Demeter is offline.**

* * *

"Where is everyone?" Zeus said the following morning. The only people who had showed up for the morning council were him, Hera, and Demeter. Hestia sat quietly by the fire.

"The sun was risen by Helios today because Apollo wasn't found," Demeter agreed. "I checked his house. He's not there though."

Zeus sent Hera, Demeter, and Hestia to search the houses of the absent gods for them. Soon they'd all met at the time square, baffled. Everyone's abodes had been checked except for the apartment Athena and Aphrodite shared.

"I'm worried," said Zeus.

"Don't worry, we'll find them," said Hera.

"With the way things are going, I doubt Athena and Aphrodite are home."

"Athena must be," said Demeter. "She wouldn't just run off without explanation like the others."

So, they all went together to that apartment, and found the door unlocked.

That was worriesome, and strange.

What they found inside was even stranger.

"WAKE UP!" Zeus yelled at all the sleeping gods. Slowly, they all started to wake up, looking around confusedly. Athena emerged from the bathroom, yawning.

"Hey dad," she said tiredly.

"What's going on?" Zeus demanded. "Did you all have a party last night or something?"

"Oh, why didn't we?" wondered Dionysus.

Aphrodite was happy and energetic today, though. "I'm going to make breakfast!" she said cheerfully, and went to the kitchen. Hestia quickly followed to make sure she didn't destroy the place.

All the gods were slowly shifting out of bed.

Zeus crossed his arms.

"I'm very disappointed in you all," he said.

"Hmm..." said Athena thoughtfully, ignoring him. "What do you guys want? Waffled or pancakes?"

"Both!" said Apollo.

"Waffles?" said Zeus. "Now's not the time for breakfast!"

"Would you like to stay for breakfast too, dad?" asked Athena.

"Can you make French Toast?"

The goddess of Wisdom shrugged.

Maybe it hadn't been such a bad night after all.

**And cut! This was fun to write. I actually was struck with this insprisation when I was at school (still am), and since I couldn't work on my other chapter, which I was in the middle of, I settled for this. Enjoy! Hopefully I'll finish the other one and put it up as well.**

**Also, review!**

**1) Who had the coolest pajamas?**

**2) What's for Breakfast?**

**Stay tuned, and thank you all! -And I repeat, don't forget to review!**


	7. To serve Justice and Winged Shoes

**I'm back! Sorry for the long wait. And I feel so sorry to say, this chapter really sucks. I shouldn't even be posting it. I just feel so bad for being gone for, what, a month? Three weeks? I don't even know. So, try not to criticize this chapter too hard. **

**It was kind of fun in the beginning, but I got bored of it really quick, which is why it's sort of... hurried. Hopefully this'll keep you all satisfied until I actually get a good chapter up. **

**PART SIX: To serve Justice, the Greater Good, and Winged shoes**

**Ares is online.**

**Hermes is online.**

**Artemis is online.**

**Apollo is online.**

Apollo: Hiiii!

Artemis: Brother, hi is spelled with only one I.

Apollo: Whhhyyy? I liiike longer woooords. :)

Hermes: Have no fear! The amazing Hermes is here!

Ares: What's that about?

Hermes: I'm dressing up as the Flash today. The greatest hero ever!

Ares: No, Batman was the best. He was _dark_.

Apollo: I liked Green Arrow. And Booster Gold.

Artemis: Who's Booster Gold?

Hermes: One of the Justice League. He's actually a lot like Apollo…

Ares: Wait, Hermes said he was dressed up as the Flash today? I wanna be Batman then!

Artemis: Can I dress up as Wonder Woman?

Hermes: You're too short to be an Amazon. *Snicker*

Artemis: *Glares* I thought we already discussed our shortness, _Shortie_.

Hermes: I'm taller than you.

Artemis: By half an inch.

Hermes: That's a lot.

Artemis: No, it's not.

Ares: I'm real tall.

Artemis: Orion was really tall.

Apollo: Oh, you're _still_ sulking about him? He was a giant! Of course he was tall!

Artemis: You made me SHOOT him! _Shoot. _As in to KILL!

Apollo: *mutters guiltily*

Hermes: I just put my mask on. Now I will _flash_ around Olympus. Get it? Flash?

Ares: That joke was terrible.

Hermes: It was not.

Ares: I'm going to go get my Batman costume.

Artemis: Weirdos.

Apollo: I wanna dress up as Booster Gold… Do you know where they might sell those costumes?

Hermes: At the Hermes Grocery Store! We sell everything there from costumes and special effects, and good ways to sneak off Olympus to—

Artemis: Yes, that's enough. Thank you, Hermes.

Apollo: I'll be right back!

**Apollo is offline.**

Ares: Should we meet at central Olympus, and we can go around saving people and fighting bad guys?

Hermes: Yeah! You gonna come, Arty?

Artemis: *Sigh* Oh, alright.

Hermes: You can pick Apollo up as well.

Artemis: Hurray.

**Artemis is offline.**

**Hermes is offline.**

Ares: Wait a minute. What am I going to do without a Robin? Oh, I know! Aaathheeeeeeeeena!

**Ares is offline.**

Hermes was the first to arrive. He used his superspeed (which, he was always proud to say), which he actually had, to run to the center square of Olympus. He was dressed in the classic Barry Allen costume, and waited patiently for his friends to arrive.

Apollo and Artemis came next. Artemis had decided not to go with Wonder Woman when she saw the costume, and so she and Apollo, both as archers, had decided to go as Green Arrow and Speedy.

"Hey guys!" said Hermes brightly, waving at them. They bounded over.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this!" Hephaestus grumbled as Ares dragged him over. They were going as Batman and Robin, and Hephaestus was feeling self conscious.

"I look good," said Ares proudly, flexing his muscles.

"So do I!" said Hermes, beaming.

"A little," Artemis agreed, and then reddened when she realized what she'd said.

"What's going on here?" demanded Zeus.

"We're the Justice League!" said Hermes proudly.

"You always have this nonsense things going on. You even invite Poseidon to them," said Zeus. "But why not me?"

A little while later, Zeus and Hera (she had been even more reluctant than Hephaestus), were there as Lex Luthor and Catwoman. They decided they didn't have enough villains, so they brought Dionysus from Camp Half-Blood and because of his love for purple, they claimed, he ended up as the Joker.

Aphrodite later joined as Black Canary, and they all started fighting. It would have been entertaining, but it just ended up being _extremely _entertaining for any passerby, as they were getting pretty aggressive in their fighting.

Zeus claimed to have invented a lightning machine, which was his excuse for making it rain on Ares, so Ares threw a baterang at him.

It was all pretty ridiculous.

Demeter and Poseidon later joined, deciding to join the villains' side, and so the battle was more evenly matched.

They were causing quite a bit of destruction to Olympus, and Athena, who had just been working on rebuilding it recently with Annabeth, stormed to the battle field to see what all the trouble was.

"What's going on?" she yelled. The fighting ceased, and everyone fell silent.

A cricket chirped.

"We're reenacting the final battle," Hermes mumbled.

Athena looked around. "What, no Doomsday? WHERE'S DOOMSDAY?!"

Silence.

She crossed her arms. "Fine. Have it your way. I'm going to read." She walked off. Not being able to resist one last comment, she added "you should do a Marvel crossover."

As soon as she was gone, Hades mumbled, "I'll be Doomsday."

"I'll be Brainiac," added Persephone from beside him.

"We need a Thor, a Spiderman, and an Iron Man. Any volunteers?" called Ares. A few lesser gods from the onlookers piped up, and offered to.

Then, everyone got into battle positions.

"CHARGE!" yelled Hermes.

Athena sat in her workshop, examining the piece of machinery she was working on. Her grey eyes were focused, and completely unaware of the spider that was crawling down her wall.

It stepped down, onto the desk, and over one of her machines, only to get electrocuted as radioactivity was zapped into it.

Athena was completely oblivious, still working.

"We are VICTORIOUS!" yelled Apollo, pumping his fists.

"We are the Justice League! Evil never wins!" yelled Hermes. All the heroes were cheering. It had turned into a form of Camp Half-Blood's Capture the Flag, and the heroes' team had won.

As Zeus was admitting to that, Athena ran past, yelling something about being bitten by a radioactive spider, and leaped onto a building, like a… spider. Then she was gone.

He looked at Hypnos, who had joined as Spiderman, but was snoring softly on a bench, and shrugged. Things just kept getting stranger.

**Geez, this is pretty bad, isn't it? I'll do my best to make the next chapter more interesting, and not so stupid. I'm also trying to focus on other characters aside from Aphrodite and Athena's shenanigans, but Athena getting bitten by a radioactive spider seemed like a fun ending to this. :P**

**Anyway, DO review, and if you have a complaint... be nice, pleeeease? Here's some things to think about:**

**1) Favorite superhero that got matched with a god.**

**2) What gods do you want to see more of?**

**3) Ten (Allons-y!) or Eleven (Geronimo!)? :D**

**Till next time... adios!**


	8. The Road-Trip, Pt 1

**Finally, it's here! Well, hopefully you guys were looking forward to this. The lack of reviews in the last chapter and how disappointed I was with myself for that chapter kinda made me lose my inspiration. But, it's back, see! And, we even have a two parter here. This chapter is longer, and hopefully as fun to read as it was to write.  
**

**Anyway, here we go, the first part of the road trip...**

**THE ROAD-TRIP, PT 1:**

**...Aphrodite is online.**

**Zeus is online.**

**Poseidon is online.**

**Athena is online.**

**Apollo is online.**

Aphrodite: Daaadddyyy! I wanna move back into my house! Athena is annoying me! She's too... everything!

Poseidon: Tell me about it.

Athena: Hey! Not like you're any better, Makeup Brain!

Zeus: You two are going to be roommates until I see you get along better.

**Hermes is online.**

Hermes: Hello everybody! How are y'all on this FINE day?

Apollo: Fine day, _courtesy_ of Apollo for the beautiful sunshine and warm weather.

Hermes: *Rolls eyes* Sure, thank you Apollo. *Rolls eyes again*

Apollo: Is that sarcasm?

Athena: Do you even know what sarcasm is?

Apollo: No.

Hermes: Can someone deliver the mail for me today? I'm too tired to do it.

Zeus: Do your job, Hermes.

Hermes: I do, but sometimes I want a day off, you know?

Poseidon: You know what, Zeus? I want a day off too.

Aphrodite: And me!

Apollo: I'd like to be able to sleep in sometimes instead of pulling the sun across the sky in the morning.

Zeus: No! You can't have a day off.

Apollo: Pleeeeease, Daddy?

Hermes: Just a few days. Then we'll work again!

Zeus: NO! And it's final!

**Zeus is offline.**

Hermes: I'm going to get my vacation, whether he likes it or not. I say we put together a protest!

Poseidon: You mean... *eyes widen*

Hermes: Yes.

Aphrodite: No... you've got to be kidding! We can't do that!

Hermes: Do you want a day off?

Aphrodite: Yes.

Poseidon: Yeah...

Hermes: Then let's do it!

Apollo: YEAH!

**Hermes is offline.**

Athena: I have a bad feeling about this...

Poseidon: Me and you can go to Greece for vacation if you want. We'll visit Athens.

Athena: Done. Count me in.

**Poseidon is offline.**

**Athena is offline.**

Apollo: Did they just agree to go on a vacation... _together?_

Aphrodite: Isn't is romantic?

Apollo: I wanna go to Greece too!

**Apollo is offline.**

**Aphrodite is offline.**

* * *

"When I said I wanted a vacation, this is not what I had in mind," grumbled Hermes from the back of the huge van. He was shmushed up against the luggage next to Artemis and Apollo, who were both arguing over who was older.

The rest of the Olympians filled up the van, their disagreements and chaotic behavior magnified to the most intolerable level due to the small, closed up space. Hermes was beginning to feel very claustrophobic.

Zeus had finally been convinced to let them have a vacation.

Hera, however, had intervened and decided it was an excellent chance to work on their family bonds, and proposed a road trip. So, fourteen immortals who didn't get along were all squashed into one van: the twelve Olympians, along with Hades and Persephone.

It was pure chaos.

At the front by the wheel, Zeus and Hera were arguing over what music to play.

"No, we are _not_ listening to ABBA!"

"I _like_ ABBA!"

"They're so annoying! Put on classic music or something."

"No! Stop being an old man and listen to some more modern music."

Ares was picking on Hephaestus while Dionysus sat next to them, downing diet coke like there was no tomorrow.

"Quit kicking me!"

"It's not on purpose!"

"I'm supposed to believe that?"

"Nah. I'm kicking you on purpose."

"Hey! You made me spill my coke!"

In back of them sat Demeter and Hades, with Persephone stuck in the middle, the three arguing over their usual millennium old issue.

"I still can't believe you kidnapped my daughter!"

"That was thousands of years ago!"

"And I'm supposed to forgive you for that?"

"Persephone _loves_ me now!"

"You don't even eat your cereal!"

"Mother!" Persephone groaned.

Behind them were Aphrodite, Athena, and Poseidon. Aphrodite was trying to give Athena a makeover, Poseidon was trying to convince the goddess of Wisdom that water beats books, and the unfortunate dark haired grumpy warrioress was _just trying very hard _to just read _one _chapter of the Silmarillion.

"Just one chapter! Can I read just _one_ chapter?"

"Tolkien writes long chapters. Besides, water is better than those stupid books."

"Can I do your nails?"

"I WANNA READ MY BOOK!"

"HEY! YOU SPILLED WATER ON ME POSEIDON! MY MANICURE!" Aphrodite started to sob dramatically.

Poseidon sighed. "Tell you what, here." He dumped the rest of the contents of his water bottle on Hades.

"Hey!"

"Ha ha! You're all wet!"

"You're an idiot, Kelp Head!"

"You're a book worm!"

"Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"POSEIDON! YOU GOT ME ALL WET!"

"I know! Ha!"

"My manicure!"

"You need to eat your cereal, Hades!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" Zeus yelled. "NO VACATIONS FOR ANYONE EVER AGAIN! Why do I let them convince of their ridiculous ideas? _Why?_"

"I'm older, Apollo! I helped mother give birth to you!"

"You are _not_ older!" Artemis leaned over Hermes in an attempt to get to Apollo and strangle him.

"Ow!" Hermes yelped. "That was my leg!"

"STOP THE CAR!" Hera roared. Zeus slammed his foot on the breaks, sending everyone (who all, except for Athena, foolishly didn't wear their seat-belts) flying forward into the seats.

There was a chorus of groans and murmured "ows".

"Why'd we stop?" Zeus asked his wife.

"There's a gas station up ahead. I need to get away from you all."

"It was your idea to do this," Zeus muttered.

"What was that?" Hera growled. Zeus winced.

"Nothing dear," he said quickly. He found a parking space and the gods all spilled out of the car and wandered off to go their own way. Zeus started to refill the gas tank in his car.

Meanwhile, Demeter went into the convenience store to get a box of cereal. A few other gods also went in to buy stuff. Aphrodite and Athena were arguing over what flavor of chips to get, and Hermes was getting a lot of cups of coffee while Poseidon was stocking up on bottles of water and rubber water wings (no one dared to ask).

Hades and Persephone both found a quiet shady spot by a tree, and Ares made a beeline for the restroom.

"We're getting the ruffles, and that's final."

"I don't _like _the ruffles! I want nacho cheese."

"That's corn chips, idiot, not potato chips."

"Well I want nacho cheese potato chips."

"Do they even have that?"

"I don't know. You're the one with all the smarticles!"

"That sentence only proves it, too."

"Hey Arty, check this out! They have keychains shaped like kangaroos!"

"Don't call me Arty, Apollo."

"But look! It's a kangaroo!"

"Um, actually, Apollo, that's a deer."

"Are you sure?"

"Wow, you really wouldn't make a very good hunter."

"I am so a good hunter!"

"Everyone back in the van," Zeus yelled. After making a head count to make sure everyone was in the car, they set off again.

"One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beer, if one of those bottles should happen to fall, eighty seven bottles of beer on the wall!"

"Shut up, Apollo!"

"Man, he can't even count!"

"I can so count!"

Aphrodite screamed, right into Poseidon's ear.

"OW!" he yelled, spilling some of his water all over Athena and himself.

"You idiot!" Athena yelled.

"Go back, go back!"

"What's wrong?" Athena asked, swiping the bag of chips from Aphrodite when she wasn't paying attention.

Aphrodite had started to cry. "I left my mascara!"

"Don't you have spares?" asked Poseidon.

"Yes! But I left them there too!"

"You can get by without mascara, Aphrodite," Athena said.

"NO I can't! Go back! DAAAAAAAAAADDDDYYYYYYYY!"

Zeus groaned. "You can buy mascara at the next stop," he said. "Alright? And would you turn that off already, Hera! I can't stand Amy Wilson!"

"It's Anne Wilson," Hera snapped, sulkily turning down the Heart music.

Hephaestus held up a small toy guitar. He showed it to Ares, who examined it carefully. "It's cool," the god of war admitted. "But not as cool as me!" he grinned. Hephaestus tucked the little invention into his pockets.

"I think we should stop somewhere for the night," he called to Zeus.

"See any inns?" Hermes called.

"In where?" asked Apollo.

"No, an _inn_," Artemis explained. "As in i-n-n."

"You en-what?" said Apollo.

Artemis groaned. "You're hopeless!" she groaned.

"According to this map, there isn't a motel until Rome!" Poseidon said.

"Give me that!" Athena snatched the map from Poseidon and examined it. "Your head is full of kelp," she told him. "We're not in Italy!"

"We're not? But we just passed a sign that said Venice," said Poseidon.

"Venice beach!"

"I see a place, pull over!" Hera screeched to Zeus. The god of the sky had no choice but to listen.

"We're here," he said with relief.

"Where?" asked Hermes.

"Here."

"Yeah, but where's here?"

"_Here_."

"But where-"

"Tartarus in a moment, and fried by a lightning bolt if you don't stop," Zeus snapped. Wisely, Hermes didn't respond.

**Ha ha! That was fun to write. Don't forget to review. Here's some stuff to think about:**

**1) Where shall their final destination be(that is, before they roundabout and head back to Olympus)?**

**2) What gods do you want to see more of?**

**3) Who's your favorite god/goddess?**


	9. The Road-Trip, Pt 2

**THE ROAD-TRIP, PT 2:**

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"Nope."

"Now?"

"What do you THINK?"

"Yes! Hey guys, we're here!"

"..."

"Can we stop for Slurpees?"

"You just had a Slurpee, Aphrodite. In a Big Big Gulp cup."

"You had one too, Feather Brain! -And anyway, see, it's got Thor on it! He's such a hottie."

"I wish you wouldn't be so-"

"See, you didn't deny it! So, I need to pair you up with someone in Norse armor, long blond hair..."

"APHRODITE!"

"AH! SHE'S HURTING ME!"

The gang was currently back in their van, driving down the road. Zeus was blasting AC/DC after nagging from Hera, and deciding maybe a little heavy metal would shut her up by annoying her and giving her what she wants at the same time. Everyone had to yell to be heard over the scream of electric guitars, drums, and Bon Scott. Of course, yelling between the Olympians wasn't uncommon even when there wasn't rock music playing.

Hermes was licking a popsicle and playing I Spy with Artemis and Apollo.

"I see something really big!" Apollo said.

"That mountain over there?" said Artemis dryly.

"Yeah! How did you know?"

"You've been pointing out that mountain every time it was your turn."

"Oh."

"Your turn, Hermes," said Artemis.

"I spy..." Hermes looked around for something good. "Um... something fluffy."

"Dionysus's hair!" said Apollo.

"I heard that!" Dionysus yelled.

Artemis and Hermes roared with laughter while Apollo pouted and Dionysus turned in his seat to glare at them.

"Whatcha making, Heffie?" said Ares, leaning forward to see what Hephaestus was tinkering with. The smith turned away from Ares, mumbling something.

"What was that?" the red-haired god of war said.

"Nothing," Hephaestus said.

"Are we there _now?_" said Hermes.

"No!"

"Now?"

"We get there when we get there!"

"My toe hurts," Apollo whimpered.

"Did you stub it on something?" asked Artemis.

"No. Don't be ridiculous. I stabbed it with my toothpick," said Apollo.

"_Whyyy?!"_ said Artemis.

"I wanted to see if it would hurt."

"You are so messed up..."

"Are we there y-MMMPH!" Artemis stuffed an empty chocolate wrapper in Hermes's mouth before he could finish.

"But what if you planted the corn _with_ the potato? Wouldn't you get cornato, and you can make Nacho cheese potato chips!" said Aphrodite.

Athena sighed. "You know what? You're right! You'd get nacho cheese potato chips. I'll tell the farmers."

Aphrodite beamed, and Athena went back to reading her book, glad to be rid of the love goddess's pestering.

"I have other ideas too," said Aphrodite. "Like-"

"My legs are stiff!" Poseidon announced. "I need a stretch." He lifted his legs up, pushing his sandaled feet through the seats so they'd straighten out.

"Get your stinky feet out of my face!" Hades yelled.

"No!" Poseidon retorted. "I like them like that."

"Is that...? Yes! Dad, pull in over there!" Dionysus called.

Zeus gritted his teeth. Knowing his son. it was probably a winery or something. The Lord of the Sky swerved the van to the side towards the building Dionysus was gesturing to, deciding a little alcohol might do him some good.

As it turned out, it _was_ a winery, and the gang eagerly ran in .

"Restrictions," Athena said to Dionysus as the wine god started selecting various bottles of wine from the shelves. He stuck his tongue out at his elder sister.

"Only at camp." He hobbled off with the wine.

"Ooh, what a beautiful Merlot," said Poseidon, helping himself to a bottle, pouring some into a glass.

Hermes popped the top off a bottle of Champagne, and it went flying across the room and hit Apollo on the head.

"Good one!" said Artemis, and she and Hermes hi-fived.

"Pretzels!" said Aphrodite eagerly. "I have another brilliant idea, Athena! Let's make nacho-cheese-pretzel-potato chips!"

Athena stared at her blankly. "Your common sense is sorely lacking," she stated monotonously. Aphrodite just stuffed a pretzel, a potato chip, and a corn chip into Athena's mouth.

"I don't know what that meant, Theeney, but taste _that_ and tell me how brilliant I am!"

Athena glared at Aphrodite, opened her mouth to say something, and paused. She swallowed. "That's not bad," she said. Aphrodite's eyes lit up.

"YES!" she said. "I'm a genius!" She did a little victory dance, gave Athena a big hug, and ran off to go brag about her idea.

"Everyone back in the van!" Zeus called. It took an hour to round everyone up and get them to stay in the van and not wander off in search of another missing god, but finally, everyone was inside and ready to go. Zeus started to drive.

It was a long ride, and everyone was actually falling asleep, when... "we're here!" Zeus announced.

They all woke up excitedly, and glanced out the window.

"We're... at the Empire State Building," Hera stated.

"Yup!" said Zeus. "Excellent tourist spot."

"But we live here," Hephaestus pointed out. "Right on top."

"Well... haven't you seen the view of New York from the top?" said Zeus, slightly indignantly.

"We've seen it from the six hundredth floor," said Hades, a little annoyed.

Zeus was silent for a moment. "Vacation's over! Back to work, then."

Grumbling, the group piled out of the van and went towards the entrance to the building.

Athena paused out front. "Well, I'm not wasting my time. I'm going up to the tourist deck," she said.

"Ooh, I'll come with!" said Aphrodite. "We can wear funny hats and take pictures like we're real tourists-then make fun of them behind their back!"

"Oh, awesome!"

Like a bunch of excited teenage girls, they dashed into the lobby to go up the Empire state building.

"Wait for me!" said Poseidon, running after them.

"Make sure to be at the council hall by six!" Zeus called after them. "And you have duties to attend to later!"

"That was disappointing," Hades grumbled.

"Ha!" said Demeter. "Say goodbye to my daughter... WHO YOU KIDNAPPED!"

"Well," Hades snapped. "She loves me, and I'll see her in a few months anyway!" With that, he disappeared to the Underworld in a flash.

* * *

"I like the view from Olympus better," said Aphrodite.

"That's because it's higher up," Athena replied.

"This is boring," Aphrodite said with a dramatic sigh.

"Race you down the stairs?"

"One, two, three, go!"


	10. Water-Thingie Beach Day

**Sorry it took so long. I was trying to be more serious in my writing (that doesn't mean this isn't supposed to be funny and ridiculous), so I didn't get carried away with the dialogue, and I've always had a littlem ore trouble with descriptions. Anyway, read on!**

**WATER-THINGIE BEACH DAY:**

**Signing in...**

**Hades is online.**

**Artemis is online.**

**Hermes is online.**

Hermes: Good morning everybody!

Artemis: It's not morning...

Hermes: It's not? Oh... I guess I'll throw this cereal I was eating out and have lunch.

Hades: Cereal?! GAH!** *Starts muttering incoherently***

Artemis: What's with him?

Hermes: Demeter sent him a loooot of cereal. And I mean, a lot. His whole palace is full of the stuff. I couldn't even deliver the mail the other day. We might even have to get Dionysus to cure his insanity.

Hades: drfh erkrhfgfio

Artemis: Uncle Hades, are you okay?

Hades: hn jcfkfdjhkggvjhk

Artemis: Well, he certainly doesn't seem very sane...

Hermes: Too much cereal could do that to you. I'm going to go have tacos for lunch.

Artemis: Go send Dionysus down to the Underworld when you're done eating.

Hermes: Why me?

Artemis: You're the messenger. It's your job, Twinkle toes.

Hermes: Twinkle toes? Why are we using weird nicknames? I thought that was an Athena and Poseidon thing.

Artemis: Well, we can do it too.

Hermes: I like Kelp Head better than Twinkle Toes.

Artemis: You're not the god of the sea, Speedy.

Hermes: I like that nickname.

Artemis: Of course you do. Don't forget to help Uncle Hades.

**Hermes is offline.**

Hades: Ugh... cereal...** *starts to shiver uncontrollably***

Artemis: Don't worry, Uncle, you'll be okay. And we'll send a janitor to clean out your castle from the cereal.

Hades: ergrtigtrgh

**Hades is offline.**

**Artemis is offline.**

* * *

"Hey Ares," said Apollo, leaning against a column in the arena, watching the war god hack at a practice dummy.

Ares only grunted in response, too busy attacking the poor innocent armor clad dummy (not Apollo, the other dummy) with his massive battleaxe.

Apollo started humming a song to himself, before he started coming up with his own lyrics, which was making it very hard for Ares to focus as he tried to ignore the horrible lyrics and not burst out laughing while punching Apollo to the other side of Olympus.

"Do you wanna go surfing with me?" Apollo asked. Ares looked up.

"Surfing?"

"Yeah. I was gonna do it with Uncle P, but he went to Venice with Athena and pretended he had to deal with stuff in his kingdom."

"Poseidon went to Venice with Athena? Why?"

"Duh," said Apollo. "So no one would know he's dating her."

"They're dating?"

"Well why else would they go to Venice?"

Ares smirked. "Oh, I am so going to have fun using this-"

"I don't see what Uncle Poseidon with Athena has to do with us surfing, though," Apollo said. "So, do you wanna come?"

Ares lowered the axe. "Sure, why not?"

After changing out of his armor, he and Apollo flashed down to the beach by Camp Half-Blood to go surfing.

"Where do we get surfboards?" Ares asked as they looked around.

"Oh," said Apollo, looking uncertain. "Um... the... Surfboard place?"

Ares raised an eyebrow at the blond. "What surfboard place?"

Apollo snapped his fingers, and a small hut with surfboards outside of it appeared. "That surfboard place!"

They approached the Surfboard stand, and looked for the person selling the boards.

"Hello?" Apollo called. "Anybody home?"

A woman's head popped up. "Whaddaya want?" she asked in a heavy New York accent.

"Surfboards," Ares said. "We want to rent surboards."

"All of the surfboards," Apollo added.

"All of the surfboards?" said Ares, looking confused. Apollo nodded. "We want to rent all the surfboards?"

Apollo laughed. "No!" he said. "Don't be silly. We want to _buy_ all the surfboards."

"The word surfbawd feels like it's being a little overused," the surfboard selling lady said.

"She's right," Ares said, looking surprised. "It is!"

"Well, we should stop calling them surfboards," Apollo decided. "We'll call them water-thingies."

The other two nodded in agreement. "We'd like to buy all your water-thingies," Apollo told the lady.

"That'll be fifty drachmas," the lady said.

"Pay her," Apollo said happily as he ran off to collect all the surfb-er, water-thingies.

Ares started to search the pockets of his swim trunks for the money, but frowned. "I don't have any money," he called to Apollo. "I thought you were paying."

Apollo shook his head. "I don't have any money. Daddy doesn't let me carry money around, because I spend it really quickly," he said.

"Oh," Ares said.

"Can we just borrow the water-thingies then?" Apollo asked. "We'll bring 'em back at the end of the day."

The lady shrugged and gestured for them to take the surfboards.

"Whoo hoo!" Apollo hollered, grabbing a board and running towards the ocean. Ares rolled his eyes. He flexed his muscles a bit, noticing the woman who sold surfboards was watching him, and sent her a wink and a flirty smile, before picking up a black surfboard with skulls on it and dashing toward the ocean. Apollo got knocked off his board immediately, and somehow pulled Ares into the ocean to, so it was only about ten minutes later they emerged from the water, wet and knowing they really sucked at surfing.

"I'm hungry," Apollo grumped.

"We can barbecue," Ares decided. "How about a steak?"

"Ooh, sounds good! And can we have orange juice?"

Ares stared at him for a moment. "I was thinking maybe a little beer... Hang on, I'll call Hermes and have him deliver stuff for us to cook."

"Okay!" said Apollo happily. "I'll go make a sand-castle in the meantime!" he skipped off to go find some shovels and pails to build a sand-castle. Ares called Hermes, ordering a bunch of stuff, then he called Aphrodite, telling her to meet him there because they would have a nice dinner. Then he looked for a good garbage dumpster so he could get rid of Apollo.

Ares found the sun god stuck in the sand. Somehow, he'd gotten himself buried up to his neck in the stuff, and couldn't get out now.

"Nice sand castle," Ares said, grinning. The sand castle was huge, and covered the area Ares guessed was where the rest of Apollo was buried.

"Thank you," Apollo said. "But can you help me out of here?"

"Nah," Ares replied, turning around to go meet the love goddess who was eagerly running toward him in a red string bikini.

"Did Hermes deliver the stuff yet?" Ares asked gruffly as Aphrodite threw her arms around Ares's neck.

"No," she said. "He said he was getting Artemis and Dionysus for the party."

"Party? We're having a party? Dang, why didn't anyone invite me?"

"You're the one having it," Aphrodite replied.

Ares looked flustered for a moment, before he straightened up, puffing out his chest and speaking with his usual macho-tone. "Of course. Well, let's get the stereo out!"

**Er, so I don't know how funny that was. I was actually trying to be more mature about my humor and writing here, but I may have failed, as I didn't let myself get carried away with the dialogue, which is what is the usual source of my chaos that becomes funny because it's so ridiculous (it entertains me, anyway).**

**Either way, let me know if this is better, or if you liked me being less mature and just letting whatever random thought crosses my mind get typed up...**


End file.
